Mental Health Update
So today I felt the need to post an update on my mental health.
When I originally posted my mental health journey on my blog I didn’t expect to have so many people reach out to me: either to share their stories, get my opinion, ask more in-depth questions. And I am definitely an open book and want to share all my thoughts and feelings with you!
So here it goes…
I have not been doing well. I am not okay.
And I keep reminding myself that it’s okay to not be okay - but life is so hard for me right now.
As you may know, I was taking 100 mg of Zoloft daily. But after months and months of being on it and having terrible side effects (one of which being extreme fatigue), I decided I needed to switch. I really wanted to get off the medication to go see a specialist for some issues I have been having with my body - but my psychiatrist advised me that she did not think that would be a good idea.
Not to mention, during all of this I was going through a depressive episode while being on Zoloft. I was having suicidal thoughts again and just couldn’t keep up with all of my responsibilities… basically things went back to the way they used to be before I started taking any medicine.
So my psychiatrist told me since I am so sensitive to medicine that I need to slowly wean off Zoloft and start taking Celexa. At the moment I am taking 50 mg Zoloft and 20 mg Celexa…
And all of my symptoms are even worse now.
I am having new physical symptoms along with TERRIBLE anxiety and my depressive episode has just continued. I am unbelievably tired all the time and having trouble falling asleep - but when I am asleep I am OUT.
Today I am so anxious. I could barely sleep last night because I kept worrying someone was going to break into the house (keep in mind that we live in a gated community and you can only get in with a clicker or a gate code). I woke up about five times just to make sure nobody had broken in.
My anxiety likes to manifest itself in physical symptoms as well. All day I have felt like my heart is in a knot. I also feel my heart racing on and off throughout the day because I get rushes of anxiety that are so intense… all for absolutely no reason.
I didn’t want to post this update to complain about how I am feeling - although it does feel good to get off my chest!
I am posting this because so many people feel this way, and struggle with mental health, and they don’t feel comfortable talking about it. I’ll admit, sometimes I feel like if I am open about how I am really doing people will say I am crazy.
But it is so important to remind yourself that you aren’t your mental health issues.
When I am not dealing with depression and anxiety I know who I am: I love to laugh, play with my baby, hang out with my husband, be around my loved ones, and just enjoy my hobbies. I have to tell myself on a daily basis that life will not always be like this. I am in a tough season, but it will be over one day and I will look back and be so thankful that I kept pushing through and I continued to find a remedy for my emotions.
So yes, I am going through a rough patch.
But no, you don’t need to worry about me. I love my life, my husband, my baby girl, my family and friends, my pets. And I know how to fight off those terrible thoughts enough to know what is rational and what isn’t.
I will keep you all updated on how I am doing after I give my medicine a little more time to kick in! I am praying that this is the right match and once I am adjusted to it that I will be able to be me again.