My Advice for Newlywed Couples
I have to start this off with a disclaimer - that way I don’t have people taking my advice the wrong way. This post is geared towards happy, healthy and normal relationships. Relationships that don’t involve infidelity, abuse (whether physical, mental or emotional) or any other HUGE issues that a relationship may have.
I personally do not believe in divorce for my relationship, but there are certain circumstances in which I believe divorce is the best option.
I am also not a professional. This is my advice based off of my personal experience being married.
Collin and I just celebrated our 6 year dating anniversary.
In the grand scheme of things, that isn’t a lot of time. But for me, that’s a little more than 1/4 th of my life! In no way am I a relationship expert, but with Valentine’s Day approaching and my anniversary passing I figured I’d write a post all about love and advice for newlywed couples.
This is geared towards newlywed couples, but I feel that no matter how long you have been in your relationship you will be able to find something useful from this post!
So Collin and I stayed in the honeymoon stage of our relationship for quite some time. Probably the first 3 and a half years were spent in that stage. Things really changed after our wedding, and while I was pregnant. The only thing I can attribute this change to was when I developed Hyperemesis Gravidarum during my pregnancy. It isn’t really that our relationship changed, it’s that I did.
The first thing I have to say is sometimes the biggest thing that changes your relationship is you. So make sure you are always evaluating yourself before pointing the finger at your significant other.
I have noticed that most of the time when there are issues with my relationship with Collin, it is because of me: my attitude is sour, my day is going bad, I’m being short for no reason. So make sure when there are issues (which there WILL be) you reflect back on yourself, too.
Back to the point, I still loved Collin, and I was even MORE thankful for him during my pregnancy. He was working so hard to support me and just wanted me to be happy and healthy. I think when we left the honeymoon stage it was because our love had morphed into something else. Something even greater.
It’s no secret that the honeymoon stage is great! I think you should soak in every second of that stage. But embrace the changes your relationship will make. Embrace the fact that your love will grow and evolve with the both of you.
When I was pregnant my love turned into an even stronger love; I always knew Collin was there for me, but in those moments he was truly my caretaker and provider. Once our daughter was born my love turned into an even deeper one; all of a sudden he went from being my husband, to also the father of my precious baby girl. (Not that Izzy wasn’t our baby before she was born, but having her out in the world made it a tangible thing.) It’s so hard to express these emotions, but all I can say is that over time your love will grow with different life events you will face.
And while your love is growing and changing, one of the most important things I can remind you is that love is a choice.
I’m not going to sit here and act like my relationship is perfect. There have been times I have been so angry with Collin I just yell. Times I just want to rip my hair out because the conversation is so frustrating,. If you can’t tell, I’m a little dramatic. But I’m trying to show you that you will have disagreements and “issues” in your relationship.
Rough patches are normal, and it is up to you to choose to love your spouse in those moments. To remember that neither of you are perfect. To remind yourself why you got married in the first place. To take your commitment to one another seriously.
Something that made a big difference in my relationship with Collin was having Christ at the center.
We were already a strong couple, but having a common ground and similar beliefs really makes things easier for us when we are going through rough patches.
But through all of the highs and lows, marriage should be simple when you truly love the other person. You should know that you want to commit the rest of your life to the other person if you made the decision to marry them. For Collin and I, it’s not an option to walk away, we never deal with jealousy, there is never a question of trust. EVERYTHING is talked about.
If you are ever going through a rough patch that seems never-ending, or too difficult to overcome, I believe marriage counseling is always an amazing tool.
There is no shame in counseling or therapy. Everyone is always learning and growing. Everyone is a work in progress. Sometimes it is easier to get an outsider’s point of view on a situation and to have a moderator help a conversation stay in a healthy zone.
I hope this post wasn’t too cheesy… okay let’s be real. It was a little cheesy. But I hope it was at least beneficial for you and your relationship!